This letter is to advise you, once and for all, that our relationship is over. You have been my constant companion for the past 5 years and I just can't take it anymore. You have until the end of the week to get your stuff and your friends and vacate the premises. I understand that appearances change over time but the additional girth and the change in your complexion is sickening. I asked you to keep your belongings contained and tidy. You ran rampant all over my grout and spread across my window sills. Your friends aren't any better and I'm tired of cleaning up after them and you. I'll be sanitizing your living space over the next few days which means that you'll be meeting the business end of a clorox-covered toothbrush. There will be no mediation, we're past all that. Don't leave any of your crap behind, it won't be here for you if you try to return. Any future contact will be responded to with violent washing and scrubbing. It's over. Deal with it.